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Week 2 of my "Return to Running" hasn't gone well. As I hoped when I wrote my last post, I made it out for a longish 7k run last Sunday evening after Husband arrived home - when the rain finally stopped and the sun came out in time for trick-or-treating. I enjoyed crossing paths with costumed kids wandering the streets - obviously happy the rain had let up in time for Halloween. It was warm enough that they didn't even need a layer of warm clothes under their outfits.
Unfortunately, running opportunities were few and far between the rest of the week. Monday morning, we loaded the camper for one last adventure and headed up the coast towards Halifax, following the old #3 Highway much of the way, with short detours around the Aspotagan Peninsula and out to Peggy's Cove and back. The weather couldn't have been better for November so we dawdled longer than planned at Peggy's Cove before heading into the city to spend the evening with friends. (The photo above was taken at Peggy's. There will be more images from that outing in a future post.)
After a late breakfast Tuesday morning, we spent a few hours tackling some long overdue shopping before heading home again. In theory, I should have run that evening but it was raining by the time we got back and I was tired from shopping so didn't have the energy.
The next two days were consumed by a visit with old friends, who travelled from Cape Breton to spend some time with us. I should have run Thursday afternoon or Friday, but wimped out again when temperatures dropped and the wind came up.
Finally, I got my butt out the door this afternoon. Then, because I'd run 7k last week, I decided to try running 8-9k - which is when I was reminded that "wishing don't make it so". I wish I was fit enough to run 8k with ease, but the truth is I haven't trained enough. In the end, I covered the distance but it wasn't pretty and I had to take more walk breaks than usual. Discouraging.
But never mind. The forecast for the week ahead looks perfect for running so I'll have no excuses. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and trust the process. Before I know it, 8k will feel easy as pie.
On my run today, I was thinking about how some of my oldest friendships have faded over the years, and how I sometimes wish I was able to revive them. Sadly, wishing don't make that so either. When long friendships end, it's mostly for reasons that can't be wished away.
In a few cases, the friend and I simply grew in different directions until we were no longer comfortable with one another. In others, stuff happened that was difficult to understand or forgive. In still others, I came to understand we were never really friends in the first place - that my "friend" saw me as little more than a means to an end.
The last was the hardest. No one likes feeling used. But the truth is there are people in the world who are so deeply narcissistic they only value others for what they can do for them. And, if I'm honest, my own tendency towards co-dependence has too often meant I'm attracted to such people.
I like to think I've finally reached a point in my life where I have the wisdom and self-awareness to mostly avoid such unhealthy relationships. But the truth is, they're not always easy to spot in the beginning, and, once in them, it can be hard to disengage.
I hasten to add that I'm not saying friendships shouldn't involve work. They nearly always do - especially the ones that last longest. And I'm certainly not saying friends can't have differences. Very often, it's differences that make friendships most worthwhile. I'm only saying that, when a friendship becomes toxic for some reason, wishing it weren't is seldom enough to fix things. Whether it's fixable depends on whether the friends in question are truly interested in working together to put things right.
In any case, as the philosopher Seneca said, "The comfort of having a friend may be taken away, but not that of having had one." As much as I may wish I hadn't lost some friends over the years, there's comfort in reminding myself that the sadness and loss I feel thinking about them is directly related to the special place they once held in my heart.
Happy running!
And blogger ate a long comment because I wrote it on the wrong browser. My bad. Sigh. The gist...
ReplyDeleteFriendships should be balanced. It shouldn't always be one person taking that first step. I once started thinking I was always doing that with one particular person, so I made a note in the calendar and decided to let them demonstrate how they felt. Years. No contact. Now I know.
It used to be there was 3 ways of staying in touch with someone. An actual visit, a phone call, a letter. Now, I don't even know how many channels there are, probably not to the nearest dozen. And yet, how actually touchy are they? Not terribly. Having someone click that like button just says their eyes scanned past your text or photo long enough to find the button. It doesn't indicate any actual communication. People are still getting used to this, still figuring out the social expectations. Even uncouth me knows that if you're invited to a wedding, you RSVP. I had to explain that to a younger co-worker. They thought they had to keep the RSVP card to show at the door to get in.